It’s in the air, it’s in my soul, I see it all around – transformation. Waking at 4am, my mind’s eye still saw the butterfly stars of my dream. Blinking my eyes open, the dark bedroom ceiling was lit only by a small twinkling light display forming the image of a butterfly. A trick of a little light through a curtain gap and my chandelier.
I’m a believer of signs, so I needed to know what butterflies symbolise. I looked it up and according to Gardens with Wings; “Butterflies are not only beautiful, but also have mystery, symbolism and meaning and are a metaphor representing spiritual rebirth, transformation, change, hope and life. The magnificent, yet short life of the butterfly closely mirrors the process of spiritual transformation and serves to remind us that life is short.”
I’m meant to transform. Everything is, everyone is – evolve or die. When it’s time to kick it into overdrive, the signs come in from all directions or you just get told directly, like I did in a wonderful comment from one of my favourite blogs, America on Coffee.
One of the main reasons I started writing was to share my journey from marriage break-up and heartbreak, at the ripe age of 50, to the new me. You’re never too old or too anything to transform, like a butterfly. I didn’t know how it would all turn out, but I knew I’d be ok – I had faith I would. I started with “ok” then moved on to, “It’s going to be brighter and happier!” I wanted to share my story so others starting the same journey, or who could relate to mine on any level, felt less alone. I also wanted to offer hope, it won’t just be ok letting go – it’s going to be wonderful. Why? Because you’re walking towards life, towards yourself. There is no life or living inside a dead relationship.
Whether you’re one of those smart people (unlike me) who just knows when it’s time to move on (wish I had), or (like me) you have it thrust upon you like a piece of 4×2 round the head – the sooner you embrace the journey back to you, the sooner you’ll heal, grow and find your way. For me that’s to happiness, I always strive to be happy most of all. I am now so much happier, and my new life just keeps on presenting me with opportunities to carry on transforming.
Yoga has massively helped me. I started practicing again early last year through online classes. Not only does it transform your body, becoming stronger, younger and getting rid of aches and pains – it transforms every part of you. Yogi teachers tell you this and although I’m still an infant on this journey, I’ve found it to be true.
I’m loving yoga so much I’ve booked a holiday in Ibiza with YogaFit. I did a lot of research to find a holiday I could do solo and gave me the opportunity to learn and enjoy the things I like. I didn’t want one designed for vegans, sipping spring water and omm’ing about the place – I’m not that evolved! Respect to you if you are though. When in Spain, getting between me, sangria, manchego cheese and tapas dishes of seafood like gambas pil pil would be as dangerous as throwing shade to housewives on a reality TV show. Thinking of you Married to Medicine Atlanta ladies. My mouth is watering just thinking about gambas pil pil! On my yoga holiday, I want to be by the sea, I want some sun, I want to laugh, drink, eat and make new friends while throwing in some yoga classes on the beach with the sun rising over the ocean in front of me.
Looking forward to a trip is really important to me, I’ve always used it as a method of joyful anticipation – sticking pictures of the destination on my fridge and chatting about my plans to friends, colleagues and anyone who’ll listen (my dogs). I feel also that embracing a solo adventure will be good. In my research, certain types of holidays lend themselves easier to this if it’s new to you – yoga or wellness retreats being one. I learnt there’s also cruises for solo travellers and tours are good, like the Timberbush trips I’ve done previously exploring the Highlands of Scotland.
I have a few days off work right now, doing some spring cleaning and a couple of days ago I got a Facebook notification from a (new to me) yoga teacher offering a free transformative 3 day #kitchenkundalini challenge. I accepted it and have completed day’s 1 and 2 so far. I shared the link with friends and to my surprise more than one jumped at the opportunity. Looks like there’s a few of us right now enthusiastic about personal growth and shedding the past.
I got in for a hair appointment yesterday, the very first day hairdressers were back open. Us organised type personalities win in moments like this. It was an event akin to the excitement of going on holiday, and I get very excited about holidays. Grinning, burst into song (Holiday by Madonna natch) clappy-happy at the outset of a holiday. Now that was a transformation! From aging hippy hair mess to sleek, groomed hair of the Goddesses. I took selfies all through the transformation process, sitting in my face mask framed by a new perfect fringe, then much shorter hair freshly blow dried and finally glossy curls thanks to GHD’s curling tongs. I bored my friends on our WhatsApp group with endless selfies at the hairdressers and then sent my Mum a video of me skipping in the sunshine down the high street so she could see my curls bounce. My Mum has always loved my hair as it’s super thick like my fathers and I had two very long plaits I could sit on as a child. Isn’t it great to get even more joy out of simple happiness’s like a trip to the hairdressers?
That fountain of insightful information, yes, I’m still talking about my hairdresser – she said she’s always loved nature but isn’t it great how during the lockdown others have now discovered that love too. She said her husband used to say “What?” when she’d comment on a beautiful sunset and now, he’s also appreciating getting out for beach and forest walks with their dog and small children. Changes lives, transforms them – learning an appreciation and love for nature and animals.
When the yoga cleanse opportunity popped up on Facebook, it said it was kundalini yoga, I’d always thought that as a sexual thing so hadn’t bothered with it. The 3 day “Spring Re-Set Challenge” is pitched as an emotional, life-changing cleanse with kundalini yoga teacher Gloria Latham. It’s definitely different from all the other yoga classes I’ve done but it’s for sure yoga and not porn. You chant while doing moves and its high energy. There’s something about Gloria I really like, that’s important in finding Yogi’s you want to learn from. I’m enjoying it, it feels transformative and fun and strong. I wouldn’t use it as a starting point for yoga, the fact I’ve been practising consistently for over a year has meant I can do Gloria’s 30 minute classes, though I do need to drop to the modification versions sometimes, those frog like squats are a killer! Somethings happening though, the butterflies are emerging, somethings stirring, I feel freer, more confident – stronger. Thank you, Gloria I’m glad I took the leap of faith and trusted this complete stranger to guide me through this transformation. That’s what it always takes, a leap of faith (including frog like bouncy squats apparently) and an open heart and mind.
Here’s to our new chapters and if you fancy a yoga holiday and saying hi, come find me in Ibiza – I’ll be the one laughing really loudly, left hand permanently attached to a glass of sangria, praising the Lord at the sight of a cheese platter and falling over in yoga class. It’s gonna be great!