The people in the pub and at the parties would believe he’s the best guy, so much fun! We’d moved to a small town from the city. Early on I’d got a message from someone’s husband who believed our spouses were having an affair. Turned out the whole town believed it. I didn’t. My ex told me he’d never cheat, he hated cheaters as he’d found his friend in bed with his girlfriend and knew the pain. He told me he’d never leave me; I’d have to leave him, and it would kill him if I did. He told me he didn’t want my money, he wanted to get on his feet and look after me. Time went and as it turned out none of those things were true. You should believe what people do and not what they say – most people already know that; I wish I’d listened to them. Yes, I was a fool.
Becoming a hermit
When he finally told me he wanted to leave me after I confronted him with his own phone messages, which he initially denied – even with my photographic evidence of them. He said he was leaving me because I didn’t listen to him, I loved our dogs too much and I wouldn’t go out to the pub and parties with him anymore.
I’d never lived in a small town before, finding out everyone’s in your business and believes your husband’s a philanderer was deeply humiliating. I shut myself away after that rather than face it, I had my good few friends close and we would get together to ride horses and have drinks and dinner at home. The lonely nights while my husband never came home weren’t lonely because I had my three dogs with me. Their unconditional love and only desire to be near me was exactly the right medicine for my hurting heart. As I admitted I didn’t listen to him because I never knew when his words would be kind or when they would sting – sting had become more likely the past few years.
Navigating stormy waters
We had good times, hell we had great times – on the holidays I paid for. He’s a lot of fun, great company when he wants to be. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think my ex is a bad person – he’s a bad, no – terrible, husband but he’s a good person and a fun friend. But he is also a total liability. He’s got a heart; he doesn’t just give homeless people his money – he brings them home and cooks them warm meals and makes them a bed on the sofa if he’s come across them on a stormy night walking home from the pub.
This is how I navigate my way through dissolving our marriage amicably, I remind myself he’s a good person, just a real bad husband. The woman he was accused of having an affair with he told me was just a friend. They liked to drink together and had mutual friends. When I asked him about it, he stopped hanging out with her for a while and de-friended her on Facebook.
Six months later he asked if they could be friends again on Facebook as she’d asked. I saw no harm in it, I knew her too and I believed my husband. He went on to being “best friends” with her and another male friend and they drank together most nights referring to themselves as the three amigos. Yeah, no shit – that hurt me a lot. Especially when I’d seen posing pouting selfies of her on his phone – apparently it was “some joke they shared”. I guess that joke was on me, the faithful trusting wife at home with the dogs.